I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
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You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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