Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
