I could have mohawked her pubes.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
