Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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