I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
