i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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