ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
