Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
