Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
