After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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