i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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