Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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