Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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