my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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