I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
