So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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