I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
