Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
love makes seman taste better
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
