forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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