I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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