i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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