when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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