Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
