...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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