college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
