I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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