I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
