she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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