Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
