just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
