so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
