Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
