I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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