i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize