I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
