Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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