then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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