I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize