My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
