May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
