I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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