i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
