Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
