finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
