take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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