She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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