If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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