Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
