morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Someone signed my nipple.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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