need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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