OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
