The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
