Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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