So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
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He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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