I wish I could punch you in the face.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
