You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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