I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
