That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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