pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
