Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
