I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
