Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings