My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
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My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."