I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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