theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?